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Sacred & Sexy
SEX LOVE ABSTINENCE
Read about all three in
SACRED & SEXY !!
I am delighted to announce the release of my book June 1, 2021
In the beginning…
I was five or six years old and an older boy molested me on the back of a pick-up truck; I never told anyone. I froze and timidly tried to move away, but his hand found its way between my legs and he grabbed and squeezed my labia a few times. I am 55 years old as I complete this book, and it has taken almost my whole life to go back full cycle, and heal that violation and the many others I suffered. I lacked knowledge and held distorted views about my sexuality.
When I became a Christian in 1990, I was “born again in my spirit,” but nothing changed in my soul. I didn’t have community or the guidance of men and women to share my struggles and discuss sex in a safe space. My sexual dysfunction reflected the wounds in my soul. "Don't have sex because it is a sin" is all I heard in church and it was even implied when I was growing up. Unfortunately, nothing dissuaded me from having sex outside of of marriage or carelessly selecting my partners: not the fear of the wrath of God or going to hell; or contracting a sexually-transmitted disease, abuse, rape, or the devastation of killing my own babies by aborting them, or the danger and destruction of a dysfunctional soul tie.
Yes, I loved Jesus and in my heart, I knew better, but I need to heal my heart so I could heal my sexuality. This book narrates my healing journey. I never understood until recently why waiting to have sex until marriage works, why our Creator designed it that way, and why despite my good intentions to practice abstinence, my default approach until three years ago, was to have sex and fall in love with a man before he even committed to me. Mistake number one! I thought I had to have sex with men to hold on to him; for him to love me.
There is no such a thing as unconditional or casual sex. We are not built that way. At least, I am not. In my search for answers, I was introduced to the concept of the possibility of being able to have unconditional sex.
When I conducted that experiment to see if I could have sex with a man I was sexually and physically attracted to, it backfired and I fell in lust and love with him. Mistake number two! That relationship led me to compromise my worth, my values, my worth. It was my greatest and most powerful lesson, and it showed me how much I didn’t love and respect myself. And finally, the real healing work began and finally realizing my worth, my value and my truth.
I have spent hundreds of hours doing deep healing work in order to release the parts of every men I slept with from my body and soul and to retrieve the pieces of my soul I left with them. I am not a sex addict, but I love to express my sexuality. I was addicted to the idea and the ideal of being in love, and the attention and validation I received from whatever man in my life.
Most women, fall in love when we have sex. Men fall in love when they commit; when they choose to commit, not when we force them to commit. (Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, and Finding – October 18, 2016, Dawn Maslar
I had the terrible habit of turning every man into my prince charming after he gave me attention, was sexually attracted to me and put in minimal work to be in a relationship with me. Mistake number three! Men only appreciate and respect what they work for and pay for. Men don’t appreciate what they gain easily. They are hunters by nature. Most men will have sex even with women they don’t like much.
I finally learned that if a man is not willing to get to know my soul and marry me before he has sex with me, he doesn’t know my worth. Thus, he is not worth my sexuality. I had to learn my worth and that journey has taken 55 years. I have gone from self hatred to self love, from wanting to die to wanting to live.
I am no longer attracted to bad boys with a roaming eye, a bad temper, narcissist traits, abusive, emotionally unavailable, arrogant, full of themselves, disrespectful and with womanizing tendencies. Thank God I prefer good boys now. I am grateful for those “bad boys” who showed me my worth and to be clear about the traits I DON’T want in a life long partner. I know what I want now.
I am not co-dependent anymore or choose partners I need to rehabilitate or rescue. I set and maintain healthy boundaries and continue to heal my inner child and grow the woman I am. I love and respect men and don’t think they are all assholes who just want sex. The assholes are no longer attracted to me and I am no longer attracted to them! And that’s a good thing.
I am healthy and my soul attracts other healthy souls. I can say no and walk away. No. No. No to sex before love!
I have forgiven myself for not knowing better in the past and choosing unhealthy partners and I am finally living life from a place of radical self love. I am finally forgiving myself for thinking that I needed to give a man sex to earn his love. The truth is that most men fall in love before they have sex with a woman.
Sacred & Sexy is my most vulnerable book thus far. I invite you to witness the lowest moments of my life, which occurred when I shared my sexuality and compromised my values with men who were not suitable for me. Sadly, I descended to the bottom of the pit more than once in desperate attempts to secure a man's attention and his love. Perhaps you did too.
I hope that as you read my stories, you will decide to stop unhealthy relationships. don’t compromise your worth like I did and heal and learn to appreciate your sexuality while managing it as a sacred gift and share it very carefully.
As you read, I hope you will cry with me, pray with me, and eventually emerge hopeful and healed, as I did.
I can't wait to share all the chapters in the book of my sexuality, and how I finally became Sacred & Sexy. I pray it contributes to your healing and wholeness. Sacred & Sexy, Dr. J.